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Monday, February 21, 2011
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Wish summer would hang around longer? Not so fast my friend - Sports
The Sports Pile: Wish summer would hang around longer? Not so fast my friend - Sports
(Ed. Note: If you're one of the, uh, "many" people who check this blog, thanks. I'm going to attempt to contribute to it some more, since its been about three months since I last actually did anything on it. What will probably end up happening, and what happened here, is me lazily reprinting my school newspaper columns on here. But at least they'll be weekly!
Sweet Jeebus. Football is almost here, folks, and frankly, it's about damn time. With the exciting beginning of a new semester-funny-we also get to usher in the season of tailgates, Saturday/Sunday pile-fests, and all the pleasantly vice-filled amenities that come with fall. And if you've been tuned into the sports world at all throughout these hot several months, you've probably been privy to some pretty insufferably indestructible plot lines. Why? Because aside from America's pastime, we don't have a whole helluva lot going on from May until August. Don't get me wrong-I love baseball. I get the season pass every summer and spend most weeknights horizontally splayed on my couch taking mini-naps the whole time. But baseball lacks the same panache that a slew of Sunday skin, pig style, provides to us athletic mainliners; it's the slow and steady corrosiveness of alcoholism juxtaposed against the jacked up 12-hour rush of football's intravenous nature in this poorly planned analogy. It's also increasingly more difficult to have it jazzed up by ill-advised gambling, and you'll also notice that most sports channels, and often regular news channels, will "focus" (read: obsess incessantly over) on a few key stories to the point, usually by August, that we as a collective sports watching nation would rather be pumping a 12 gauge with our big toe than be forced into watching another LIVE LOOK IN!! of someone chasing a tainted record.
But, wouldn't I be totally remiss and completely wasting a freebie here if I didn't at least take some time and catch you up on the summer happenings? You know, just in case something-something about a rock, or perhaps you spent the whole time on a NOLS trip trying to make up for that "finding yourself" class-lacking semester last spring. What? It happens. And of course, if I didn't go ahead and tap the vein with some pre-season odds, well, I just think I'd be shorting myself. Or at least not having nearly as much fun. So, without further ado, the five best fake matchups of the summer (with accompanying money line!):
Barry Bonds v. Hank Aaron and the Asterisk (-400)
Sure, it's okay to ask how Hammerin' Hank is supposed to be favored, seeing as how Barroid already set a new record*. Well, without flat out practicing libel, I'm not entirely convinced that Bonds really deserves to be the home run king*. I do find it interesting though, that Barry seems to have rubbed a magic lamp, except it's one of those where the genie gives you your wish but secretly screws you over at the same time-yes, he became the all time home run leader*, but he'll never win a World Series (the Giants are horrible and no other team in baseball will sign him for the last year or two of his career) and he's one of the most hated and polarizing figures in the history of sports. Not to mention that while there's only one guy who can really challenge his record* anytime soon, it would appear that Alex Rodriguez has a very legitimate shot at topping 777* (or whatever the final record* ends up being). So, to recap, Bonds sold his soul and his legacy for a seven year period where he owns* a prolific record*.
The Family Beckham (-150) v. American Culture
This might somehow be the most underreported story of the summer, in the sports world at least. No one cares about American soccer anymore. Yes, the World Cup is great, but it's every four years. And let's get serious-Beckham isn't even a top five player in the world either. Nor is his wife relevant, unless you count the reality TV show where she ends up trying to cheat on a driving test at the California DMV. Now, I would have signed the contract too, and probably kept my mouth shut as well when people started talking about me "saving American soccer," if only because I wouldn't want to tell them the sad truth. Er, truths. The second one of course being that Beckham is going to be old, injured and overpaid for most of the time that America pretends that the MLS matters.
Michael Vick v. U.S. Government and Fido (-2200)
I read somewhere, or maybe heard somewhere, that the federal government has a 98% conviction rate. That's somehow even higher than the Sex Panther conversion rate and if true, it means Vick is what we like to call donecakes. Look, there's little to no chance he plays this year, and there's also little to no chance I try and force a joke here, since torturing dogs is easily one of the worst things I've ever heard of. It's one thing to be running an interstate underground dog fighting ring while moonlighting as an NFL quarterback (seriously, re-read that) but do you really have to electrocute, strangle and drown the dogs when they lose? 'Cause that's pretty f'ing sadistic, man.
Pacman Jones (-1200) v. Sanity
This guy has made my freaking year. Is it tragic that we're constantly forced to watch professional athletes waste their God-given talent through just outright irreverent behavior? Absolutely. But do I desperately wish that it would be socially acceptable for me to walk into the local convenience store, ask for a pack of Marlboro Lights and 20 on pump number five and then shower the cashier with 25 one dollar bills? You're damn right-making it rain always makes it more fun, whatever it is we're talking about. Although regardless of how chauvinistic and immorally enjoyable a stance I want to take towards Pac, what he's done over the past few months has been absolutely insane. First, there was Vegas and the strip club incident. Then he went to New York to meet with Commissioner Roger Goodell … and just absolutely could not-not go to a strip club the night before. I mean, really, Pac. You're there for 48 freaking hours. Just order a crappy movie at your hotel and don't go out. Surely you have more self-control than that. Of course, he proved me wrong on that count when he signed up to join TNA wrestling last week, only to have his performance on a pay-per-view event stopped just short by a Tennessee Titans restraining order. He's one failed plutonium smuggling away from making Maurice Clarett look like Mother Teresa at this point.
Boston Big Three v. Tim Donaghy (Even)
A very tough choice to make here as the NBA seemingly spent all summer fighting within itself for how to spin the attention The Association was inevitably going to take. There's the bad-Donaghy getting busted fixing games as an NBA ref, and the good-Danny Ainge backdoors his way into somehow doing a good job by landing Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen to go with Paul Pierce, not to mention the possibility of Reggie Miller returning for a title run. Donaghy's scandal is David Stern and the NBA's worst possible nightmare, especially when the guy was involved in playoff officiating. Such a horrid nightmare in fact, that even the Durant-Oden welcome wagon and the Boston Celtics' waltz to the NBA Finals this year probably won't be enough to overcome-although none of this will really even matter when Stern somehow (hopefully!) brainwashes us all into forgetting this entire summer ever happened.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Random Thursday Thoughts / NL Cy Young
Watching the Phillies-Brewers game last night while semi-boycotting the NBA playoffs; Cole Hamels was absolutely dealing. I stand by my prediction that he ends up winning the Cy Young, but Jake Peavy is going to need to actually lose some games for that to happen--or stop K'ing 10 a game. He's been looking dominant as well. Hamels was perfect through six, but walked Rickie Weeks to lead off the seventh and then lobbed a grapefruit for J.J. Hardy who sent his TWELFTH home run--this one a scorching line drive to left field--of the season out to break up the no-no. Weeks had obviously ruined the perfect game. By the way, twelfth is one of those words that if you stare at it for long enough, it just becomes weird. **And even more awkward than that last sentence, it turns out it was Hardy's 13th homer. Couple of quick (maybe) thoughts (after the jump) before I run down the 1/3 season Cy Young contenders (NL today, AL later)...
1. LeBron James should have been the MVP. Think about where the Cavs would be without him. They scored six points against the Nets in the fourth quarter last night. SIX! I bet I could score six points against Jason Kidd in 12 minutes of gametime, just by lobbing up crazy threes and getting lucky on two. He and Big Z were the only two to score more than 10 points on the game, and the formerly resurgent Larry Hughes shot a disgustingly abysmal three of 17. I still don't think the Nets take this series to seven, but it will be interesting to see how LeBron responds (and more importantly, how he gets his teammates to respond) with a little more pressure on them. It was just assumed they'd win in Cleveland and one more win for the Nets makes it awkward.
2. Unbelievable game that I pretended not to watch last night between the Spurs and the Suns. Although I really wish we could do something about these damn things starting at 9pm. Sucks to be EST, I guess. Anyway, Nash and company gave it their all but as Manu said to Sager after the game, it was like the reverse of Game 4, where the Spurs won the first 42 minutes and somehow still lost the game--same thing happened to a technically overmatched Suns team last night, which is a shame. I swing both ways on the Amare and Diaw suspensions--yes they had to be suspended; that's what the rule says. But it sucks that the rule is there and that in a game of this magnitude...well, you've heard plenty of opinions on this. Like Barkley said last night too, be interested to see how Nash and Marion look in Game 6 (tomorrow night) after getting 45+ minutes each last night.
3. Is it just me or are there an obscene number of near no-hitters that have happened thus far in the MLB season? (I would say six plus innings counts as a near no-hitter right?) Bergmann for the Nats against the Braves three nights ago, Huddy at the Nats the next night, Hamels last night, Buehrle already threw one, Maddux had one going til I f'd it up with this post, King Felix did seven innings at Boston, Chuck James went six no hit innings against the Pirates last Saturday, and I'm sure there are more that I'm missing.
4. Do you think that Dr. Feelgood and Mr. Brownstone are friends? Assuming they even know each other? Did they compete for clients? Or just hang out and do H together?
Cy Young Contenders
NL
Jake Peavy - Leading MLB strikeouts with 71, tied for second in MLB ERA with 1.64, tied for third in NL with 5 wins (12 way tie, 2 others have 6 wins). Peavy has tied his own Padres record for strikeouts in a game with 16 at Arizona on April 25...Last night he actually lost a little ground to Hamels as he broke his streak of four straight games with 10 K's or more...Downside? His pitch counts have been pretty high, although I think with Greg Maddux and Bud Black around he should be fine.
Cole Hamels - Second in MLB/First in NL in victories with 6, second in MLB in K's with 70, 26th in ERA at 3.30. Hamels has looked absolutely electric lately, taking a perfect game into the seventh last night against the red hot Brewers, striking out 15 in a complete game win at Cincinnati on April 21st...Downside? Problems with the gopher ball (which leads to his ERA remaining high--rarely gives up no runs) and certainly injury prone, with a degenerative disk in his back.
Tim Hudson - 4th in MLB in ERA at 1.77, tied for 11th in the NL with K's with 43, tied with Peavy at third in wins with 5. Huddy has been completely resurgent this year, having gone less than seven innings only once this year, and having every single one of his starts be of the quality variety...He struck out 12 at Florida on April 25th, a season high...Sporting a very nice 2:1 GB/FB ratio on the season, he's had his splitter looking absolutely filthy to this point. Downside? We remember 2006, but other than that, not much. Hudson's a gamer, and while he's a good number of years removed from winning 20 games (7), he went sub-2 ERA in 2003.
It's a pretty tough call at this point; if the season ended today, Peavy has to get it (and just throw Hudson the COY bone), but I'm going to stick by my preseason prediction that Hamels would win the NL award. Peavy has the track record--won the ERA and K legs of the Triple Crown before--but Hamels was insane in the second half last year, and if he can come close to reproducing that after his big first half, then I think he takes it. Both Peavy and Hamels stink of injury risk with the number of pitches their tossing, and their semi-dependence on the K (Peavy moreso than Hamels), so Huddy could easily "backdoor" this thing. Huddy and Peavy also have the advantage of a much stronger bullpen than Hamels, which can affect the number of W's.
Next time I get some work I don't feel like doing I'll take a break and peer over the A.L. Contenders and talk about the "Blister Sisters".
Monday, May 14, 2007
Jinxing Maddux and Ridiculous Comments in Big D
I figure by the time this gets posted I will have done enough to jinx Greg Maddux's bid for a perfect game/no hitter, one of the check boxes remaining for the lock-job Hall of Famer to accomplish. He's five innings deep right now against the Reds, with only 46 pitches as I started typing this, but I figure with the way technological information gets across the web and TV these days, I'm the last of his worries. You're all but guaranteed a "live look-in!" during the seventh inning, which will inevitably result in an immediate hit against Maddog.
He's actually pitching for the guy that is chasing me in my points-based fantasy league, but I don't really care. As a Braves fan, Maddux has given me enough where I'm willing to take the cave on a win for the other guy if it will guarantee that he gets a no-no. Especially since Maddux once said there's no chance that he'll ever toss one, because he doesn't strike enough guys out. He's been very close though, going into the eighth with Atlanta against Houston before Lance Berkman took him deep way back day and he had one with LA last year before they had to yank him because of a rain delay (OUCH.)
Top of the sixth, Alex Gonzalez tries to make some noise, but Maddux gets a broken bat grounder that sneaks past him--Khalil Green makes the play easily. Annnnnd there it goes. I literally feel like I personally just cost Maddux his no hit bid. Jose Valentin. Are you kidding me?
Back to the basketball then, where Steve Kerr is wondering if "we are literally going to show [Eva Longaria] during every game for the rest of Tony Parker's career?" I mean, uh, yes. Why the hell wouldn't we??
Anyway, I know there was something I wanted to talk about, and that would be the inane comments coming out of the Dallas Cowboys training camp. Terrell Owens has not only said that he learned "Nothing, really" from his only year under Bill Parcells, but he also pointed out that "having a new head coach is good for everybody."
Sure, TO. No doubt. If by "everybody" you mean just you. Or maybe you just mean that ludicrously huge ego of yours that didn't like having someone else, your boss namely, being the center of attention on your team. I mean, look, we all knew it wasn't going to work out with Parcells and TO, right? Didn't we, and by we I mean everyone from Joe Fan up to John Clayton, say this wasn't going to pan out well, way before the season ever started? And am the only one who thinks that TO is happy because his coach has a laid back attitude (read: lacking the testicular fortitude) to actually bust his ass about being a diligent football player? I don't think Wade Phillips is a pushover or anything, but I think he's a helluva lot closer to Mooch than Tuna in terms of how much control he gives his players. Which is great. More freedom in the workplace. No problems here.
Except.
(And there's always an "except".)
When Dallas loses three straight games during the course of the season, or Tony Romo hits some sort of sophomore slump, and TO starts bitching. What then? Is this loose, let it all ride attitude really going to be good for the team then? Of course not.
Not to mention there's a quote from Parcells that came out this past weekend where he says that signing TO wasn't his idea and that he did the best he could with what he had; Owens sarcastically contradicts this, acting like Tuna wanted him there the whole time. Get f'ing real, Terrell.
He does not get real, with this little number: "I could have played better, but I'm not the one to really harp on why I had the season I did," Owens said. "I'm not going to say why I had the drops I had. I knew the reason, but I didn't take the time out to make that an excuse. ... I played through an injury that I didn't really talk about, I didn't care to talk about."
So, I'm confused. Because that makes it seem like you kind of had an injury (the finger) but we all knew about that. So what's the reason that we don't know about that you seem to imply? Parcells' presence? His willingness to go along with Jerry Jones' gamble is the reason you didn't play as hard as you did? Because that's the message I'm getting from the quote. Or maybe I'm misreading it. Like I misread when you popping 30+ painkillers, not implicitly understanding that it was an accident.
What's my point to all of this? Besides the fact that TO sucks? Basically that it's bullshit to see Bill Parcells, one of the greatest coaches of our generation, getting tossed full body under the bus here. On one hand we have a receiver who has played for the Niners, the Eagles and the Cowboys. At every stop, he has either permanently embittered his coach, his quarterback, or both in the cases of Philadelphia and San Francisco. On the other hand, we have a well respected leader and coach, who has appeared in three Super Bowls and won two of them; he has been awarded AP Coach of the Year twice and has produced remarkable turnaround and success at every stop in his career.
Look, I know that TO is great for soundbytes and ratings and whatever, but please, national media, do not feed the animals. Or at least wait until Thanksgiving when Wade Phillips becomes an uptight asshole.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Worst. Halladay. Ever.
Dear Mr. Ricciardi:
I hope this letter finds you well. As can be anyway, given the state of affairs surrounding the shell of a baseball team that you are currently fielding.
You see, sir, don't f*** with me.
Again, that is. You lied to your own freaking fans by acting as if nothing was wrong with B.J. Ryan in the preseason, then following that up by acting like presenting something that isn't false does not qualify as a lie as long as you know the truth. Um, sir, that's not a good line. No one north of the border bought it, and I, for one, was just insulted.
Hence the news that Mr. Halladay will be heading to the disabled list. I suppose you think that appendicitis is just some accidental, fluke type thing that fits in line with what's streaming through your clubhouse right now, right? Well, sir, wrong.
Please stop lying to your fans. And no, I don't care who's protege you are.
Yours Truly,
Karma
P.S. That shit that Vernon Wells pulled was hilarious. Holler at him for me.
How Do You Say "Let Down" In German?
USA Today is reporting that the inevitable, Dirk Nowitzki winning the NBA MVP Award, has come true. Heading into the postseason I was fine with this happening. Now, um, not-so-much. You may or may not have seen the little Boom Dizzle fueled engine that could steam out of Oaktown and plow through Dallas last week, but in case you missed it, the Mavs are donecakes. So how the hell are we supposed to give the MVP to a guy who's team can't even win in the first round as a number one seed? Yes, Golden State was a highly touted eight seed that no one gave enough love to, but then again so were the Nuggets, and Timmy! and crew didn't give them a second thought after that first L.
Isn't this the same argument used against Kobe and LeBron for not winning the award? That their teams didn’t do well enough in the regular season to warrant them being given the Most Valuable Player award? Kobe might be gone, but Bron is looking more and more like he could be taking the Cavs to the Finals this year—despite the pesky presence of a Detroit team that looked close to unstoppable in the second half.
And I’m not jumping on the Bill Simmons’ anti-Dirk bandwagon here. But I’m not knocking it either. I just don’t see why this award has to be given to during the playoffs and based entirely on what is done in the regular season; why can’t the playoffs become an increasingly important aspect of voting for the MVP? If the Cavs somehow make the Finals (yes the East is much, much, much worse) and win, or even make it close against the Jazz, er, Spurs or Suns, why shouldn't he be getting the award? Oh right, because he supposedly coasted for half the season...which would explain what exactly? The huge hot stretch of games the Cavs went on in the second half, or the fact that maybe the King was smart enough to save some energy for the postseason?
There can still be a postseason MOP, a Finals MVP, hell, we can establish a first round MVP for all I care, but lets at least let the MOST VALUABLE PLAYER award be affected by the most important time of the year, when the players that are MOST VALUABLE to their teams really shine.
Ricky Smokes Weed? No Way.
According to Chris Mortensen at ESPN.com Ricky Williams has tested positive for pot (again). In other news, Paris Hilton is a drunk whore and the Detroit Pistons own the Eastern Conference. Shocking, huh?
The best part was one of the article's sources who tried to play doctor:
Remember, he's been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder -- that's a real disease and a good percentage of those folks self-medicate with substances like marijuana, often at the moment they are about to have a high level of social interaction
Of course it is. And weed, like xanax and other self medicating roofies, are the "real" cure. And what's more socially interactive than pissing in a cup with some other dude watching you? Seriously, Ricky, grow up or move to Jamaica; Ronnie Brown is not handling this well.
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